The uneasy feeling of being the Other Woman

Published on: 2013-12-20 11:06:19 AM
Filed under: Self Improvement Tips


Over the years, I have heard from many women who have been involved with married men.  Started on a high note and the relationship ran its course and often finished on a sour note.  I write this from a non judgmental place, but dating, sleeping with, or being involved in any way with a married man never, ever works. Yes, it's true that some men will not just tell you what you want to hear or even leave their wife to be with you, but a relationship that began when one or both of you were committed to someone else will always have a fundamental flaw in the foundation. And, even if he does leave her, you will always be the "other woman". 

If you are looking for love, marriage, and long term commitment in your life, then dating a married man is the absolute last thing you should think about doing. 

The reason I am such a stickler about this has nothing to do with morality or any kind of judgment, I am a firm believer that every person has their own path and their own way. But, you have to understand what this type of relationship can do to you on an energetic level and how it can damage your spirit. Not only is being involved with a man who is married bad karma (his wife is a woman with feelings who deserves love and respect), but we attract situations and people into our lives based on our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. By being involved with a man who is married or in any way committed elsewhere, you are telling the universe that commitment, faithfulness, fidelity, and integrity are qualities in a man that just don't matter to you. And so, this is what will be true in your life and continue to be true until you stop this behavior and the beliefs and thoughts that helped you create it.  This is very powerful stuff...

Even if you do end up with this guy, you have to realize that he cheated on her to be with you. He is a cheater. Period. You are not magic, amazing in bed, or in any way better than her. And, he will bring all of his baggage, including the reasons he cheated on her in the first place, into a relationship with you. These reasons are usually insecurity, lack of control, a need for power over others, a need to be validated, selfishness, ego, or not getting his needs met in his childhood. These are all deeply complex issues that he would need to deal with. A relationship with you will not heal this. You won't be a better woman for that, you will only be a different woman.

Now, we can sit and blame him all we want, but at the end of the day you have to take responsibility for your part of this. Do the work behind it, what is it that attracted this situation into your life? No, it's not because you are so incredibly hot and guys just can't resist you. What I mean is, what is going on inside of you on a deep level emotionally that drew you into this? Are you afraid of commitment, therefore only being interested in unavailable men? Do you crave the excitement from something that is forbidden fruit? What are your issues surrounding men and how they show up in your life? What are your issues with your father? Your exes? Find out what is going on with YOU. Become aware.

Now, this is not to say that it is not possible for two people who are meant for each other to meet in this circumstance. There is such a thing as "right person, wrong timing". But, if he respected you and saw you as a potential long term partner, he would have taken care of the situation and make an honest, clean break with his wife BEFORE getting involved with you. And, if you really loved him and wanted a future with him, you would wait for him to become available. You would support his acting with integrity with his wife, because you someday may also be his wife.

My advice to you is to avoid this triangle situation altogether.  Not much can come from it. And, continue working on yourself and find out how you can never repeat it.  

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