A new start

Published on: 2014-09-23 12:37:56 PM
Filed under: Self Improvement

So here you are.  You have ended a relationship, you are thinking about starting a new one…  Your relationship may have ended in separation or divorce or maybe you a long term relationship has run its course and now you are seriously considering dating again.
This time around you want to do it right.  But the dating world is so different from last time you were dating.  Things have changed and the ways to look for a partner have changed to.  Some questions keep popping up: How do I move on? What kind of person is right for me? Am I too old to find love? And you are probably wondering if this is all worth the effort.
Believe me I understand your concerns.  I have heard them from many people.  The vast majority of singles are looking for a healthy, happy and fulfilling new love.  The kind of love you tell your children about, one that keeps the relationship strong.  You may feel overwhelmed but you are certainly not alone.  
I am here to tell you that finding love again is 100% possible.  It may possibly take some efforts and some time, but given the right circumstances and a positive outlook, it is possible.
What kind of issues do people deal with when it comes to finding love again?  A fear of rejection, feeling frozen, feeling shy, hopeless and even unlovable and too many dating disasters.   These beliefs, emotions, and concerns are not unique.  It is important that you know that you are not alone and not blame yourself. Finding the right person is about looking inside and rebuilding you from the inside out.  Only after you know yourself, you will be ready to welcome a new person in your life.  That is the first thing.
Forget everything you thought you knew about dating, divorced singles, or life after divorce.  Did you know that at the beginning of a relationship, your brain makes it nearly impossible for you to see your partner’s faults? or that most, not women, are most likely to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love them back? Changing your old beliefs and your expectations about how a relationship should be is the second step to finding that special someone.  I repeat: Changing your old beliefs and your expectations about how a relationship should be is key to finding that special someone. 
Think back for a minute about your past relationships.  Do you feel like you are making the same mistakes over and over again? Are you hesitant to jump back into the dating scene because your heart has been broken? Do you feel angry about your divorce? Many of these feelings come from frustration, disappointment and the belief that your relationships “just haven’t worked the way you thought they would.”  The truth is our expectations about love, men, women and how relationships should be are very different from how events turn out in real life. Many of our beliefs aren’t backed by facts, research or even science.  They are based on myths and misconceptions passed down over time.  Without knowing it, you may be holding on to beliefs about love that may be causing unnecessary pain and disappointments - and they may be holding you back from finding the relationship you deserve!
Is hanging on to your beliefs that are not supported by facts that bad? In short, yes! Dating will become much easier once you have cleared these old cobwebs and misconceptions.
It is important to stop believing everything you have heard about love and relationships and how you should feel, and to start with the facts, and a fresh clean slate.  Learning what relationship research tells us about how men and women relate, behave and think, you can approach dating with a fresh, unbiased knowledge.  The dating world has changed and is still changing and it is important to understand the new facts about how men and women think.
Understanding the facts about dating today will enable you to see potential partners for who they really are.  Good and bad. You will be less frustrated and more likely to find a partner that is a good fit for you. I can guarantee that.  And you can stop being influenced by what other people tell you romance is supposed to feel like.  
Buying into old beliefs not only affects your attitude, but also subconsciously drives your behaviour. This influences how you act on first dates, how you communicate and how you express feelings of love.  By being aware of this, you will boost your odds of dating success, you will become more realistic, increase your confidence and self esteem.  
In upcoming articles, I will continue exploring with you the research data I have gathered over the years and how to apply it in the world of dating and relationships.

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